Description: It was my best piece of writing that I have done this term and it was my favourite piece of writing.
I wrote about camp gone wrong.
I was having the best day of my life because I was with my classmates on a dirty but rather peaceful river. I was afraid to go in the dirty water but my team screamed out to me in desperate need. I had no time so I dived in with my long loose baggy pants on. Not only did I have my pants on but I still has my sweatshirt on.
I dived into the water it was so freezing cold. It feel like ice and I was covered in goose bumps. I swam over to the raft and jumped on. When I got to my towel I sprinted back to camp. I ran to the showers and I turn it on hot. This day can not get any worse. Then the shower turned cold. Do you think your camp can get any worse?
feedback: you did really well at making your writing interesting and funny to read.
feedforward: next time you could make your describetion more detailed.